but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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