Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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