i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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