Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
