I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize