Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think i got beer on your cat.
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