I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
