When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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