my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
