i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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