this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
