Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
