we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
