Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
