I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
