I think I died a long time ago.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
