My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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