we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
