never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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