My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
