i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
