ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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