I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
