He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
