I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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