I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
