I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's blow job season.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
