my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
