i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
