Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
