You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
