Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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