just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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