I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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