I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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