So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
