living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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