Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
