dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am available for nakedness
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
