you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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