You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
