i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize