never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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