True but thats because hes a fetus.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
