He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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