giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
