She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
