dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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