I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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