Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel

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(315): View more from New York

The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....

(507): View more from Minnesota

.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....

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(847): View more from Illinois

Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.

(314): View more from Missouri

Come down off the roof.

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(407): View more from Florida

He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.

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(705): View more from Ontario

going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it

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(478): View more from Georgia

You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra

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(512): View more from Texas

Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks

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