either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
