You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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