The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
