i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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