all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
