Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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