In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
