But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
