Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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