I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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