I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
