I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
