Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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