i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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