I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
